I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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