my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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