Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
