I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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