I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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