Do vagina's smell?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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