You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
