He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
