Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
