I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
