Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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