When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Still dying that you shit outside
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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