cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
