his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
