im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
