Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
