My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
