8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
