We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
