honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
