i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
