Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
