Kiss
Puke
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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