I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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