she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
we're so committed to being not committed
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
