If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize