I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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