People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
