So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
