Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
