U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Randomize
