First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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