Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
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