saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
