Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
