yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
