I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Randomize
