I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
