he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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