i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
