If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize