I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
