Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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