Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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