Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize