I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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