Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The uberlube is also flammable
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
