I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
