You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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