Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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