Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
