just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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