i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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