3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
