Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
