i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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