I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
