My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
