come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
