I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
