My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
