sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
