I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
