i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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