just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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