please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
