maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
