Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
