no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize