I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize