I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
