How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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