just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
