People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
