So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
