Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
