she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
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