just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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