He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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