I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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