I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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