Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
