Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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