Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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