yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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