she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize