I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize