He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
