i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize