i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
