Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
