This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
