I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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