i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm getting married
To pizza
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
