I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
