my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
