Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize