If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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