I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
