i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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