I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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