Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
