i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
