we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
